Probilicious
by Gail Cregg
Summary: One-shots featuring Special Agent Timothy McGee. "Small muscles, big brains, heart of a lion."
1. Rock Hollow Reviewed

_Dedication - This one is for all the fanfiction writers out there. You might get one review, a hundred or none. Thank you for sharing your stories with us._

ROCK HOLLOW REVIEWED.

NCIS Squad Room.

The room is almost empty except for Special Agent McGee sitting at his desk and staring glumly at his computer monitor. Suddenly from beside him he hears a noise and he looks up to see Abby hanging over the divider between his cubicle and the next.

"Abby! You nearly made me fall off my chair."  
"Sorry" she says looking not at all contrite as she walks in front of his desk. "What ya doing?"  
"Nothing" he replies trying and failing to look as if nothing is wrong.  
"Want to try that again? I know you Tim something has upset you. Tell me. Maybe I can help."  
"No, really it's nothing. It's silly. I don't even know why it has upset me."  
"I can handle silly" she says with a grin. "Let me see." She walks around his desk, wraps her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder begins to read what is on the screen.

"A review of Rock Hollow by the Sherlock Holmes Review, the most popular and comprehensive crime book review website." She reads on for a few minutes then walks back around to face him.  
"I don't understand Tim. That was a fantastic review. They loved the characters and the plot. They said it was suspenseful and fast paced. A worthy follow up to Deep Six. What more do you want?"  
"But what about what they said about Agent Tommy?"  
"McGee! That was _one_ line. I can't believe you are letting this upset you so. What is wrong with you? Tell me again why you write."  
Tim smiles back at her. "I write to relax, to escape from some of the horrors we see in this job, to distract me from problems and sometimes for no real reason at all except it makes me feel good. You're right of course. It is just one line. Thanks Abs. I feel much better. Wanna go grab something to eat?"  
"Sure."  
They leave together; Tim feeling comforted to have shared his problem with a friend.


	2. I'll Always Be Probie

I'LL ALWAYS BE PROBIE.

McGee is pacing Abby's lab.

"Timmy!" Abby turns from her microscope to glare at him.

"Sorry"

"Either keep pacing out that door or sit down and tell me what the problem is."

"I said...that is...Tony.."

"Spit it out McGee"

"I didn't respond when he called me Probie then I told him that if he warranted his own team he wouldn't be here."

Abby headslaps him.

"Yeah, I know. Then Gibbs told me Franks still calls him Probie."

"Oh, Timothy." Abby hugs him. "We're all adjusting to Gibbs return and it's got to be hardest on Tony stepping down from being team leader."

"I know that and he was good at it. I was even starting to like campfires! How can I fix this Abby?"

"Probie!" it is Tony standing in the doorway.

"Yes."

"You just did." Tony leaves with McGee and Abby staring after him.


	3. McGee's Angel

MCGEE'S ANGEL.

After cautiously opening his eyes NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee tries again to move his arms and legs only to discover his pain his real and his limbs are still bound together so tightly that all his efforts to move them are in vain. He knows from his previous exertions that he is unable to break whatever is binding them and there is nothing to help him in the barren room his captors have thrown him in. Although in a state of near delirium either from the drugs he was injected with or a lack of food and water he somehow senses, in his gut, that his death is not too far away.

What a way for my life to end he thinks. Being an NCIS agent he had naturally thought about it from time to time; perhaps more so than the average person in a different job. For instance when Kate was killed, Tony infected and the time Agent Cassidy's team and then Paula herself had died all because they'd taken the weekend duty for Gibbs' team. This was not a noble death saving an innocent or a colleague nor a contented death at the end of a long and happy life but the thing he'd spent his whole career avenging, death at the hands of another.

He'd been walking back to his New York hotel after the launch of Rock Hollow when he'd been grabbed from behind, tossed in a truck, knocked out with some kind of drug and brought here. He knew that once his body was found the team wouldn't rest until they had caught the person responsible be it a crazy fan or somehow tied to his work at NCIS. Knowing time was short this thought provided Tim with a measure of comfort. Even in death they would have his six. But what would his death do to the team? His eyes close.

When he opens them again Sarah is standing before him. "Sorry sis I can't hold on much longer. I'll always be looking out for you though. That's what big brothers are for right? I love you. Sarah!" he screams her name as she fades away.

A short time later he hears a voice yelling at him and there is Tony. "Probie! Listen up. You simply can't die McGee. That's an order. Do you know how long it took me to train you? And what about the paperwork? Not to mention you'd be leaving me alone to work with Ziva! And what about Gibbs? How cross do you think he'll be with us if we let you die? Probie....probie are you listening to me...probie!" DiNozzo was hard to take when you were at full strength but when dying it really was too much. McGee closes his eyes again.

Gibbs is the next to appeat before him shaking his head sadly. "Oh Tim, I am so sorry." This must be serious McGee thinks for the Boss to be apologising. I really must be dying as there's no way he does otherwise and calling me by my first name too. "Boss it's not your fault. I shouldn't have...." Gibbs does not appear to hear him.

Some time later, it might be minutes or it might be hours as he's lost all sense of time, he hears a voice coming from far away. "You know this reminds me of a case I had one time. It was very similar to an event in the seventeenth century when...." the voice fades out as McGee does too.

The next time Tim opens his eyes he knows the end must finally be near. All his pain has disappeared and his vision has cleared and despite the glare of the lights shining from behind her he can easily see the angel standing before him. Tim grins for although garbed in a flowing white dress and coming complete with huge feathery wings and even a gold halo this is no ordinary angel. Her lips and nails have been painted the darkest black, she has a studded dog collar around her neck and her hair is in pigtails.

"Abby?"  
"Shhh Timmy. Everything is going to be alright. I'm here now." She holds out her hands to him.  
"Come with me Tim" she beckons.  
Tim stretches out and arm to her and strains with all his strength to break his bonds and join her whatever the consequences may be. The bonds break and he reaches towards angel Abby's hands.

Brrrring! Brring! Brrring!

"McGee."

"Get your lazy butt outta bed Probie. We have a case and I'll pick you up on the way. Ten minutes McGee."

Tim begins to get dressed hoping his dream is merely a product of his overactive writers imagination and not a hinky premonition of events to come.


	4. Probie One

PROBIE ONE.

Abby's Lab.

"Hey Abby have you got a minute?" Tim asks entering the lab.

"Sure. What's up?"

"Tony has started calling Ziva probie."

"So what? I'd think you'd be pleased by that. Maybe now he'll stop calling you probie and I know you've always hated that."

"I have. I mean I do but now he's calling us both probie and I like that even less. I guess technically speaking Ziva is the newest agent which means in a way she's a probie and Tony's probably just doing it to annoy her so it doesn't really _mean_ anything...Ouch!" Tim rubs the back of his head.

"What was that for?"

"For being an idiot."

"Hey!"

"I'm guessing Tony is just trying to make her feel comfortable now that she's back. I don't think it has any bearing on his relationship with you."

"You don't?"

"No. Remember when Gibbs told you Franks still calls him probie?"

"Yeah."

"Well I know you will always be probie or at least probie one to Tony." She smiles at him.

"Thanks Abby. You always know what to say. You're the greatest." He gives her a big hug before leaving.

"Good job Abs" she murmurs in her best Gibbs impression.


	5. Freewriting Of A Probie

*This scene is set towards the end of the season three episode Probie but you don't need to have seen that to understand this. Naturally it will contain spoilers.*

FREE-WRITING OF A PROBIE.

McGee's Apartment.

He sits in front of his typewriter staring straight ahead. He is not seeing his apartment, his home of a few years. Instead he's reliving the events of the day in his head. Seeing the people and hearing the voices again in his mind. Slowly he places his fingers on the keys and begins to type. This will never be shown to anyone. It is words, thoughts, emotions simply for himself.

I killed a man today. To be more accurate I should maybe say I probably killed a man today. There was another shooter and Abby could not tell me which was the kill shot. Or perhaps she could tell me but would not. Was trying to protect me from the knowledge that today I ended a man's life. Whatever he had done and whatever he might do would be no longer because of me. Me, Special Agent Timothy McGee.

I can still feel the weapon in my hand. Cold. The rush of adrenaline. My voice shouting out. See the flash of light and my instinctive reaction. Time appearing to slow down and speed up in the same instance. I hear the doubt in Ziva's voice as the Boss orders her to put out a BOLO based on my description. The anger in Gibbs' tone after the Director allowed the cops to interview me. Abby's excitement at having proved someone else was there.

None of that matters and they can't understand that. In their own ways they are all familiar almost at home with death. Not Abby of course. She is not an agent and safe in her lab is at a remove from the horrors we see. I hope it always remains that way. Ducky is the most intimate with the aftermath of death. He knows what it does to a body and the many, many ways it can happen. Gibbs has made a career out of the business of death. First as a sniper causing it and then as an agent investigating when it is taken too soon. Tony has seen death many times as a cop and as an agent. I do not know the details but I know he did kill someone when he was a cop. As for Ziva....the things she has done in her life must've included causing death at some point. More details than that I hope never to discover.

So I killed a man today. Nothing can change that. Whether it was justified or not I will never be the same man again. Not the man I was when I woke up this morning.....he pauses in his typing as he hears a scratching sound at his door. He opens it to find Tony standing there. "Hey probie. What ya doing?"


	6. Probie To The Rescue

PROBIE TO THE RESCUE.

NCIS Squad Room. Late Evening.

Tony exits the elevator, crosses the room and sits at his desk. "What are you doing here so late McNewbie?"  
"Just finishing up some system upgrades. Why are you back? Did you forget something?"  
"No."  
"Get stood up?" Tim queries with a grin.  
"No! If you must know I came back to..." He looks around the empty room then walks over and crouches by McGee's desk. "Actually maybe you can help me. I'm kinda in trouble. You just have to promise not to tell Kate or Gibbs."  
"Why not?"  
Tony glances around the room again. "This is serious. Will you please help me Tim?"  
Stunned at having DiNozzo call him by his first name McGee just sits and stares at him for a moment.  
"Probie!"  
"Sorry. I'm not sure about lying to the others though especially the Boss. Why don't you tell me what the problem is and we can take it from there."  
Tony stands and starts to pace as he talks. "It's like this...you see I tried...but then...so I had to ask...and I tried again but..."  
"Tony!"  
He stops pacing. "I just can't get my head around the new search programme for the criminal database. I can still do the basic searches O.K. but am totally lost when it comes to the advanced searches. I've read the manual three times and I've been coming in evenings and working through the example booklet but I still don't get it. Could you please talk me through it?"  
"Sure but there's two things I don't understand."  
"What?"  
"Well didn't you use it to gather the info in the Watson case last week and why on earth would you want to keep this secret?"  
"Abby helped me last week but she's been so busy prepping for the bowling finals she hasn't had time to help show me how to use it. As for keeping it secret..." He blushes. "I thought I could figure it out before Gibbs noticed I was struggling." He gives an embarrassed little shrug. "And you know Kate would never let me hear the end of it."  
"That's true. Load up the programme and let's take a look."  
DiNozzo sits back at his desk and McGee comes over to help. As he starts up the programme Tony thinks maybe having a McGeek on the team wasn't such a bad thing not that he would ever tell Tim so.

A Short Time Later.

"Yes!" Tony and Tim slap hands in a high five.  
"You've got it."  
"Well it really wasn't that hard and I am the senior field agent after all so I do have some skills." DiNozzo turns off his computer as Tim goes back to his desk. "Good night probie."  
"Good night Tony."  
As DiNozzo walks away McGee thinks to himself maybe Tony is starting to accept me at last. Smiling now he returns to his work.


	7. Dead Reckoning

A/N - This could've been in Hatchet but I thought I'd add it here as a Tim/Ziva growing friendship story instead. Not related to the episode of the same name.

DEAD RECKONING.

NCIS Squad Room. Late One Evening.

Ziva glances around to check they are alone before silently crossing the room to stand in front of her colleague's desk. He is so focused on what he is doing it takes a moment for him to realize she is there.  
"Ziva!"  
"Sorry. I did not mean to startle you McGee."  
"What can I do for you?"  
"I am about to go home but first I wanted to ask you...that is..."  
"Just spit it out Ziva."  
"But I am not eat...oh! I wanted to ask is there is something wrong. You have been very distracted these last few days and I thought maybe I could help somehow."  
"Thanks Officer David but it's nothing you can help with. I'm getting behind on the chapters for my new book. Not only am I having creative stifling..."  
"That is what Tony would call writer's block, yes?"  
"Yes. There's that plus we've had quite a few cases this month so I've not had time to write either. My publisher has given me a deadline for the latest chapter and I'm getting nowhere." He sighs.  
"I did not realize the publishing industry was so tough. Not to worry McGee I can certainly help with this."  
"You can?"  
"Definitely. We are a team and I will put my skills to good use to ensure you stay alive." She pulls the knife from her waist and checks the blade.  
"Ah, Ziva?"  
"Nobody will kill you on my watch just because you fail to provide a chapter by a set time. I thought Gibbs is a tough boss but this is ridiculous."  
"It's O.K. Ziva. You can put the knife away."  
"Oh?"  
"A deadline is just a set time to provide the material but I certainly won't be killed if I don't. Thank you for offering to help though."  
She puts the knife away. "Is there anything I _can _do?"  
"Well if you and Officer Tommy would like to do something to inspire..." She whips the knife out again. "Just joking. Good night Ziva."  
"Good night McGee."  
As she heads toward the elevator Tim finds himself thinking he is very glad that Ziva is on his side.


	8. Searching For Life

From Mind Reader to her number one reviewer for her loyalty, to AZGirl for the pm I was genuinely impressed and stunned by, Gottahavemyncis because I hope it's what she's looking for and Big Red ...you know why.

SEARCHING FOR LIFE.

"Here he comes. It's the McProbie or should that be the McProbed?" Tony questions holding up his hand in a Vulcan salute as McGee enters the bullpen and makes his way to his desk.  
"Oh, give it a rest. I thought you'd be over it by now." Tim glares at him and sits down.  
"No, I'm just getting started. So were you?"  
"Was I what Tony?"  
"You know. Were you probed on the weekend? Experimented on? Take any trips to far off places?"  
"Of course not." McGee rolls his eyes.  
"What are you guys talking about?" Ziva chimes in from her desk. If not stopped quickly Tony's ramblings could easily go on all day and she really isn't in the mood. On the other hand her knife skills could use some work so maybe if she threatened him...she muses.  
"When I went to collect him for shooting practice on Saturday he wasn't quite ready. So while he was in the shower I took the opportunity to hone my investigative skills..."  
"You mean snoop DiNosy" McGee interjects.  
"Whatever. I noticed McMulder here was running the SETI program on his computer. Searching for the truth. Going where no man has gone before."  
"Huh?"  
"It's just a computer program Ziva."  
"Oh. Then what is Tony making _such_ a fuss about?"  
"That's because it's not just any old computer program. It's a worldwide search using computers when not in use for normal everyday things in..." He chuckles. "In the search for aliens. "  
"Aliens? Do you mean like illegal immigrants? Is it something ICE is experimenting with? Working with satellites? Have you been asked to help McGee? I do not understand what is so amusing about that."  
"No, Ziva not that type of alien. Alien as in little green men or blue or red or spotted or sparkly. The probie here wants to become McProbed. Scanned..tested...poked...prodded..."  
"I know who'll be being _probed_ if he doesn't get back to work." A gruff voice says from behind him.  
"On it Boss." Tony begins to type furiously on his computer and the other two do the same. McGee makes a mental note to always meet Tony well away from his apartment in the future.


	9. By Any Other Name

A/N – From time to time we all need some pointless fluff so here is...

BY ANY OTHER NAME.

"You ready to go yet?" McGee calls out as he strides into the lab.  
"Just give me a few minutes to finish this up." Abby continues to type.  
"You'll never guess what happened today." Tim bursts out unable to contain his amazement and excitement any longer.  
"DiNozzo turned down a date with some hot but much younger woman who is somehow involved in the case?"  
"No. Something even more unusual."  
"Hmm." She bites her lip in concentration. "I know. Gibbs has finally discovered Palmer is his secret love child!"  
"WHAT! How much Caf-Pow! have you had today Abby?"  
"I'm just teasing Timmy." She give him that mischievous grin that makes him want to kiss her right then and there. "And I've only had my normal amount of Caf-Pow! Though with the pace of this case, the lack of sleep and maybe I haven't been eating as much as I..."  
"Well finish up and we'll go get something." She starts to type again.  
"So what was it you wanted to tell me?"  
"Gibbs...actually...I was so surprised..."  
"Spit it out Tim. Did you spill his coffee again? Did you finally get a headslap? Manage to finish a sentence without stuttering?" McGee blushes. "Sorry. What happened?'  
"He called me Tim and not because something had gone wrong or because someone was dead. He just called me Tim. Abs, I think he's finally starting to...like...well maybe not like...accept me...well maybe not accept but definitely respect my skills." He smiles.  
"That's great McGee. I'm so happy for you." She jumps up and gives him a bone crushing hug. "Now let's go get that bite to eat. I'm starving." They leave the lab arm in arm.


	10. The DiNozzo Exception

Tag to Guilty Pleasures.

THE DINOZZO EXCEPTION.

The moment he'd said it he'd regretted it but the words were out there and there was no way to take them back. He wasn't even sure why he'd said it. Sure things between them had been a little tense lately. All the late nights, cases and too much time spent together were definitely taking a toll on their relationship. A seven year bitch as Ziva had called it. Yet in his gut he knows that that one sentence that has been playing in his mind all day really was a comment too far._ "You were funnier when you were fatter." _No, he should not have said it and having done so he needs to fix it now.

As he dries his hands he turns back to see his face in the men's room mirror. "Man up DiNozzo. Say what you have to say and make sure it is heard this time." After all he had been sitting at his desk for the past half hour trying to figure out what to say. He leaves and walks back into the bullpen. Glancing across at her empty desk he asks "Where's Ziva?" This certainly wasn't a conversation he wanted her to hear.  
"Gone home. She said to say good night."  
"Oh." DiNozzo sits at his desk and begins typing surreptitiously sneaking looks at McGee from time to time.  
"What?" Tim asks in exasperation.  
"Nothing."  
"It's not nothing Tony." He knows his colleague too well to just let it slide. "Is this about McCadden? Or your apology? I said I accepted it."  
"No. It's about what I didn't say."  
"Huh."  
"Well I'm not really breaking rule six I'm just applying the DiNozzo exception." He grins.  
"What _are_ you talking about Tony?"  
"The DiNozzo exception to rule six. That is an apology is not a sign of weakness when it is justified as it is in this case. Tim I should not have said what I did about your weight and I apologize for it."  
A little stunned at this McGee is unsure what to say.  
"I know you've been working on your weight issues and keeping fit and I admire that. I should not have made fun."  
"It's O.K. Tony. I've heard worse and I know you didn't mean anything by it." He'd worked with DiNozzzo long enough to know the truth of this. "How about we go grab a beer?"  
"Sure." They shut down their computers and start towards the elevators.  
"Maybe I could have that Nutter Butter now?"  
"No."  
"No?"  
"It's not good for you McHealthy."  
"Just one."  
"No."  
"Please." They continue to squabble as they enter the elevator a partnership restored to its usual equanimity. Sometimes silly, sometimes serious but always there for each other.


	11. Tell Her

TELL HER.

NCIS Squad Room. Late one evening.

"So, tonight is the night. You are going to tell her tonight."  
"Yes."  
"You promise? No chickening out at the last minute."  
"Yes!"  
"And have you been practicing like I told you? You have to get this exactly right. It's a potentially awkward conversation to have. Maybe even dangerous."  
"Of course I've been practicing. I want this to go well. Are _you_ getting cold feet now? It was you who said this can't go on any longer. That I have to say something or things will never change."  
"Are you really sure though? She may not take it the way you want her to."  
"I am sure Tony. You convinced me. I must say something and tonight's the night."  
"Good lu..."  
"What are you guys talking about?" Ziva walks into the bullpen.  
"Zee-vah! I thought you'd gone home. We really need to borrow those bells of Abby's for your neck."  
"You even _think_ that again Tony and I will..."  
"You will what Agent David?"  
"You do not want to know." She grins at them. "So what are you talking about?" She walks over to her desk and sits down.  
"I've just been giving the probie here some advice."  
"About?"  
"You would not understand. Secret men's business." He grins his usual infuriating grin at her.  
"Oh!" he eyes widen with surprise. "I did not know the two of you were into that kind of thing."  
"What are you talking about Ziva?' McGee queries hoping to get her off the issue of what they were talking about.  
"Well I know you like office campfires Tony but I never imagined you were the type to sit almost naked around a campfire and share your feelings...unless there was a woman involved." She smiles at him. "Or is this your idea McGee?" The guys just stare at her for a moment until understanding begins to dawn.  
"Not that type of secret men's business. It was just...ah..."  
"Tony!"  
"I was helping him out with a little female problem he's got." Ziva chuckles. "What's so funny about that?"  
"You giving advice about women. Where do I start?" He glares at her. "Well good luck McGee. I am sure you'll be fine." It's clear by the tone of her voice she's a bit doubtful of this. "Good night."  
She leaves and Tony gathers his things together. "Text me and tell me how it goes. Night."  
"Night." Tony leaves. After staring at his monitor for a further minute McGee packs up his things and heads out into the night.

A Local Coffeehouse.

Spotting Abby at her usual table he hurries over and gives her a hug before sitting down.  
"Thanks for meeting me Abs."  
"You did say it was important Timmy."  
"Yeah." He finds that for all his practice he doesn't quite know where to begin.  
"So what's up?" He just stares at her. "You're starting to scare me. Is something wrong?"  
"No, no it's not. It's just that I want to do this properly. I want to get this right so please just wait until I finish okay?"  
"Okay."  
"We've worked together for awhile now and of course we used to date and I hope you know how I feel about you and you know that will never change and I feel uncomfortable about this but Tony said..."  
"What's DiNozzo got to do with this?" Unsure if she wants to know where this is going she can't help herself and interrupts.  
"Nothing really except we talked about this and he said I really need to tell you."  
"Tell me what Tim?" She smiles at him.  
"No."  
"Huh?"  
"He said I need to tell you no more often. Like about helping with your home theater last week and the bowling practice the week before."  
"But I thought you liked helping me?"  
"I do."  
"And didn't you help Tony with his system?"  
"Yeah but that's not the point."  
"Then what is?"  
"Ah."  
"It's alright. You can tell me."  
"And you won't be mad?"  
"Tim! I could never be mad with you."  
"After you asked me about bowling Tony made a crack about you saying jump and me asking how high. "  
"Tony says stuff like that all the time."  
"I know but I thought about it and he's right. Sure we're friends as well as colleagues and I _do_ like to help but I think sometimes you take me for granted."  
"I've forgotten rule eight?' She smiles at him trying to lighten the mood.  
"Precisely." He smiles a small nervous smile.  
"Then I am so sorry Tim. I do appreciate it when you help and I'll try to let you know more often." She leans over and hugs him.  
"That's all I ask."  
"Shall I get us a coffee?"  
"That would be great." As she heads to the counter he texts Tony. Told her. Went well.


End file.
